This work trip has been a harder one. Probably because I thought that us spending a full week together on vacation would have made it easier that I didn’t really think about it or “prepare” my mind.
I was set to leave early Monday morning, before you both would wake up. So the night before, I did storytime and casually explained that I was going on a trip and wouldn’t see you in the morning. I don’t travel a lot for work. And when I have traveled, this statement to you is usually met with “okay mommy.” This time, you both cried. Dylan, you sadly responded “I don’t want you to go mommy.” I wasn’t prepared for that. I didn’t think you even fully understood my statement but once again, I was reminded of the reality of you being an almost-5-year-old and now much more perceptive of everything happening. You stopped crying but there was an obvious sadness in your eyes and nothing I tried seemed to take it away. Extra stories, extra snuggle time, extra kisses…your eyes looked sad.
I talked about it with daddy and he promised to go the extra mile to help change the expression of your eyes. And Mia – you were more easily pacified. You were happy with the extra bedtime routine time. This made me happy but also made me aware of how much younger you are than Dylan.
During the week, we facetimed. Dylan, your eyes seemed happy again. So excited to tell me something fun from your day and to wave at me. Mia. You were not happy. You seemed frustrated that I was in the phone. The longer the conversation, the more territorial over holding the phone you became. Not wanting to share it with Dylan. Actually, not wanting to share mommy with Dylan.
I’m on the plane now and so excited to see you both. I’m going to travel for work again. And I look forward to it – I enjoy spending time with my NY team and I enjoy working. No, i’m not following it with a “but.” I love what I do. You don’t realize it now, but my job is one of the variables that makes me a good mommy. It’s important for every mommy to take time for herself. For me, that’s my job. Challenging my mind, being curious, developing ideas, collaborating with a team and talking with like-minded professionals is how I take time for me. Going to work is the variable that enables me to be the best at my only job – my 24-hour job as “mommy.”