The Worst Day

c7e4be1bd95c8daa80453ea215bbc359Dear Abramella,

This morning when I went to the bathroom, a good amount of bright red blood came out.  My heart sank and my mind immediately went to the worst possible explanation.  It’s almost 8:00 and my doctor’s office won’t open for another hour.  I know I have to stay calm, I just don’t know how.  I don’t know how to prepare myself for what i’ll likely hear.  I don’t want A baby – I want YOU.  I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

It’s 9:00.  Doctor said I can come in at 9:30.  Your daddy is on his way home.  I’m on my way to hysterical.

Got in to see the doctor.  Cried the whole way there, cried in the waiting room, cried in her office…can’t seem to stop and yet I don’t know.  This will be my first ultrasound and my first time seeing you.  This is not how I wished to meet you and as upset as I am, i’m a tad excited to finally see you.  I took a deep breath and was decently mentally prepared for the worst.  What I wasn’t prepared for was for her to say you’re perfectly fine.  You have a great heartbeat and are measuring perfectly.  She thinks the bleeding could be from a number of things but since it isn’t “active” she isn’t worried.

I’m going to take this as news that you don’t just want a parent, you want ME as much as I want YOU.  Thanks for fighting little one.  I love you.

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