Biggest Challenge

A month or so ago, I was in Gymboree with you and during the “chat time” the question for the group was, “what’s been the biggest challenge with becoming a new mom?”  We went around the circle and each mom gave her answer.  I said finding “me” time.  Not in a complaining – “now I have no time for myself” – sort of way.  Not at all!!  Rather, I often remove time for myself in order to strike a balance with everyone else I WANT to make time for – spending quality time with you, being an amazing hubbywife, making sure Nana Brownie gets a few tummy rubs a day, keeping up with my friends, being a productive employee, keeping up with the Real Housewives of (fill in the blank), staying in touch with family and sharing YOU with family.  I’m often so worried that i’ll disappoint one of the above groups that I take “me” time out of the equation to allow more time.  I never, never, never would want anyone in the above groups to feel i’m “too busy for them”…but let’s face it, time has to come from somewhere.  To solve that problem, i’ll gladly take that time from “me” time to give to you or your grandma’s or your Auntie Marebear or Nene Leakes (if you don’t know who that is – i’ve failed) more time.  I just couldn’t look at myself in the mirror if Nene didn’t think I had time for her…

Other moms said sleep, planning the day, relationships, etc.  But, i’ve been replaying one mom’s answer over and over in my head.  She said, “Everything.  Everything is harder.”  And she asked, “When does it get better?”  The group asked her what she meant and she replied, “This isn’t what I thought it would be – when does being a mom become enjoyable?” 

This question has been haunting my thoughts.  I worry for her.  I fear that if she hasn’t already found the enjoyment that she never will.  I worry for her baby.  I fear that her innocent baby can comprehend this.  I fear that you’ll one day wonder if I enjoy being a mom.  Let me set the record straight – I like being “a mom” – I LOVE being YOUR mom.  There is a subtle, but HUGE difference between the two.  There was no “adjustment period” if you will.  Sure, everything in my life changed – but the adjustments came natural, there was no work involved.  When I was pregnant, the President at my office said to me, “I see it this way – I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night, I get to get up in the middle of the night.”  This made me think – when the responsibility is tied to a privilege, how could it be a burden? 

Pinpointing when it was exactly that I enjoyed being your mom is like pinpointing the moment when I noticed I could breathe – in other words, I don’t notice these things – it’s just there and I couldn’t live without either.  I fear that this woman’s wait in discovering the enjoyment is comparable to waiting to notice that she could breathe.  How awful it must be to hold your breath for so long…

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