Today was your circumcision. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to have the procedure done right when you were born like we had wanted to. You had a very common issue where you didn’t have enough foreskin. This issue requires a more delicate surgery which involves anesthesia. Because of that, we needed to wait until you were 4-6 months old. Now, your daddy tells this story a little differently. Even though we were both there to hear the doctor explain the issue while we were in the hospital, your daddy recalls the explanation a bit differently. In his version, they couldn’t perform the procedure because your penis was too big and they were concerned it would hinder your ability to walk. They were amazed at your “shvantz” and had to call in a specialist who was only available 4-6 months out. Believe who you want. Before deciding, ask your dad how a circumcision is done (we got into a heated debate over whether or not they reattach it after cutting it – and they call ME shmendrik!).
Speaking of specialist…at first I was comforted by the fact that the procedure was going to be done by a Pediatric Urologist. There are only 2 Pediatric Urologists in all of Los Angeles County – it’s quite the specialty! The more I thought about it, the more weirded out I got. Think about it. Imagine if you were this man’s girlfriend and he had to explain to your parents why he chose this field. “It’s so nice to meet you! No, no, no, I’m not a Urologist – I’m a Pediatric Urologist. I look at little boy’s penises all day. Just love them, everyday is a dream come true. So, I’ll have your daughter back by 10ish?” C’mon, you can’t tell me it’s a specialty that doesn’t make you cock your head to the side a bit and say, “hmmm.”
The day of, I was so concerned about the idea of you going under that I never really had time to process the fact that you were getting circumcised. All I could focus on was the fact that anesthesia was going to run through your tiny little body. We got to the hospital at 6:00am and you handled the early morning quite well. There was another little boy in the waiting room as well. It was nice to know that there was another mom going through the same emotions only footsteps from me.
I didn’t realize that I couldn’t be with you when you got anesthesia. This was a shock to me and felt like a sock to my gut. I wasn’t prepared for this news. Fortunately, we kinda knew the anesthesiologist. He was your daddy’s bosses’ wife’s father. Knowing that I kinda knew him made me feel an inch better about letting you go with him without me.
Next came the longest 45 minutes of my life.
Finally, I was allowed to come see you. You were screeeeaaaming your lil head off. You didn’t want to eat and were just overall miserable. The nurse kept emphasizing that this was normal. Really? I’m not a doctor, but if this is normal, why are there more nurses and doctors coming in to check on him? If this is normal, why do you keep hooking him up to monitor his vitals? If this is normal, why are you saying you’re going to give him tylenol with codein? Most importantly, if this is normal, WHY IS THE BABY FROM EARLIER IN THE WAITING ROOM BEING CARRIED HIM AFTER HIS CIRCUMCISION SMILING? WHICH ONE IS HAVING A NORMAL REACTION? It’s pretty clear who wasn’t having a normal reaction – me! My worry level was off the chart. The tylenol did seem to help and you were doing much better.
Now that you got through the anesthesia, it dawned on my that you had a circumcision. Is that what it’s supposed to look like? I’m not sure what I was looking at. Which is you and which is gauze? I’m confused. Vaginas are much simpler. I’m just saying.
Once we got out of the hospital and home, you were fine. Didn’t fuss for the rest of the day. You snuggled in my nook all day and night and watched movies with me. “Elf” makes everything better.
You’ve been quite the little trooper. Haven’t seemed too bothered. In fact, you seem more bothered by your teeth than your shmeckle. I’m really proud of you little man.