Tomorrow, Tomorrow – I love ya, Tomorrow!

Little man, you gave mommy quite a scare yesterday.  Since then, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking and of course, letting my thoughts drive me NUTS!

When you woke up yesterday, you weren’t your typical smiley Dyl Pickle self.  Actually, you’ve been quite fussy for the past couple of days.  My gut says you’re teething.  You’re showing all the signs…except you’re only 4 months old.  So, then I question whether you’re actually teething or if I want to use teething as an excuse for why you’re so fussy.  Anyways, back to yesterday.  At 9:00 we had your 4-month doctor’s appointment and you got your 4-month vaccinations.  You took them like a champ.  One little whimper from the shock and then you were fine.  Chatted with the doctor for a bit and he confirmed that you are most definitely teething.

You were fine on the way home, a lil fussy here and there, but nothing major.  I took you to a meet-up event at 11:00 and you were 100% fussy.  I thought for sure it was the teething.  Nothing gave you comfort and it was tearing me apart.  The meet-up was at Bini and they have a little boutique in the front.  I didn’t think I would want to use gels, tabs, pills, creams, etc but seeing you in pain – that all went out the window.  By the time we left the meet-up you had taken a chamomile tab, had chamonile oil on your jawline and an amber necklace on.  The only thing missing was burning sage, granola and a rain dance.  But hey, if that gives you comfort i’ll get the matches and start burning.  Now, I didn’t plan on buying the necklace.  The saleswoman put it on you to see if it would give you some comfort and didn’t take it off.  I was so upset seeing YOU so upset that I didn’t realize it was still on you when we left the store.  I guess I was more upset than I thoguht because when I called to give the woman my credit card number, she informed me that I already purchased it.  So, why am I telling you this story in such detail?  – to illustrate that I was already on pins and needles that day, and slightly crazy.  Seeing you so upset is contagious.  What happened next just about killed me.

You were still miserable when we got home (possibly because you didn’t have a cute handbag or shoes to match the amber necklace that mommy didn’t realize you were wearing).  I decided to give you tylenol.  I’ve never given you tylenol before.  You were screaming when I gave it to you.  Before I could even take the dropper out of your mouth, you stopped crying, eyes rolled back, became super lethargic, lost all color in your face and lips and were noticeably weak.  I’ve.Never.Been.So.Scared.  Luckily, your daddy was right next to me when I gave you the tylenol and saw your reaction as well.  My first thought was – oh my gosh, maybe you’re allergic to acetaminophen and having a reaction?  Your daddy called the doctor while I started to put you in the car seat.  The doctor said to bring you in.  By the time we hung up the phone, we practically had one foot in their door.  Your doctor thinks that the medicine went down wrong causing you to choke a little.  I now know that I need to give you medicine against your cheek and not on your tongue.  That was by far the hardest lesson i’ve ever learned.

Anyways, the whole experience got me thinking.  Your daddy and I always talk about how everything before you seems like forever ago.  Such as, it seems like for-ev-er ago that we were drinking in vegas, or dancing on tables, tailgating, etc.  We did that??…and only a year ago???  Everything pre-you is sort of hazy.  Up until today I never really thought about what I’d do if you weren’t here for tomorrow.  I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how you make the present so amazing and about all the things we’d do together.  In a quick moment I saw the fond visions I have for us at the zoo, going to open house at your school, your little league games, moving you into college being ripped from my reality.  It’s a thought that made me instantly break down into tears.  I hope you know how much I appreciate and love you.  It’s days like today that remind me how fortunate I am to be YOUR mommy.  It’s a privilege.  When you’re threatened with losing tomorrow it puts things in perspective.  Wake up as often as you like and cry as much as you need to.  Just please, please always give me tomorrow.

1 comment

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  1. Tsafta

    What a good little mommy you are – there would have been no way to explain to you these feelings – and they last forever.

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